Are you one of the thousands of Batman fans disappointed about the announcement that Ben Affleck is going to play the Caped Crusader in the Man of Steel sequel, Batman Vs. Superman ? Me too! In the midst of all of the Miley Cyrus Twerkgate hullabulloo, we seem to have lost focus on this stunning bit of news. But I haven’t!
Why Ben Affleck, when there are so many Bens, any one of which would have been a better — or at least more interesting — choice?
Like these fine Bens, for instance…
A fine, fine actor, having played everyone from Gandhi, to a Sexy Beast, to The Mandarin (sorta). But could he pull off Batman? Perhaps, an older, wiser, goatee’d Batman? I’d watch it!
If comedian Michael Keaton could pull it off and win over skeptical fans, why not comedian Ben Stiller? After all, he’s not new to the superhero genre, having paid his dues with Mystery Men. And what cowardly, superstitious criminal could withstand a withering dose of Blue Steel?
Many people complain that the recent crop of Batman movies have been way too dark, and long for a return to the fun and frivolity contained in the 1960’s Batman series. Others feel like it’s time to really stretch our image of who Bruce Wayne is, and open the role up to more minorities. Who better than actor, singer, and dancer Ben Vereen to pick up where Adam West left off? He’s the best of both worlds!
How about something completely different: a full-on, British screwball Batman comedic romp? I mean, the only thing that could improve on 60’s Batman running around frantically trying to get rid of a that bomb would be if he’s doing it while being chased by a series of women in states of undress, some nuns, and a copper, and the whole thing is to the tune of Yakkity Sax. The fact Mr. Hill has passed on might make this one difficult.
Perhaps what the new Batman movie needs to do is reach out more to political conservatives, through their favorite Ben of all, monotone commentator Ben Stein. Who wouldn’t want to see the scene where Batman puts on a Crime-fighting Seminar for Gotham’s Finest and calls out for the tardy Commissioner (who is having a day off): “Gordon. Gordon. Gordon? Gooordon?”
If politics won’t bring in the crowds, maybe religion will! And no Ben does that better than Benny Hinn! Especially at a time when movie theaters are struggling to deal with the financial realities of the 21st century, Benny Hinn comes with the added benefit of being able to coax moviegoers to drop a little something extra in the plate at the end… in addition to their$20 ticket and $10 popcorn. The movie industry is saved! Hallelujah!
Kids love dogs. Adults love dogs. Show me someone who hates dogs, and I’ll show you someone with no soul. So why hasn’t there been a Batman movie yet where he’s a dog? There is NO. GOOD. REASON. And the best thing is, once audiences accept that Batman is a dog, you can do just about anything with the story, logic be damned! Slap some CGI on his face to make him talk, and you’ve got yourself a winner, Hollywood.
Um… Batman’s parents are dead. So, it’s… y’see, he… well…
You can’t spell “Batman’s parents are dead” without “parents!”
Just kidding. I think Ben Affleck will do just fine in the role, and will bring a lot to the franchise. Here’s someone smarter than me explaining some reasons why.