Posts by category: Parody

A Parent’s Prayer

A Parent’s Prayer

God grant me the serenity to accept the poops I have to change…
(like, right now, in the middle of the parking lot)
The courage to risk a major blow-out in those I cannot change until I get home…
And the wisdom to know the difference.

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The Bloggers of New Orleans (A song about #Dad2Summit)

The Bloggers of New Orleans (A song about #Dad2Summit)

The Bloggers of New Orleans

(Sung to the tune of The Battle of New Orleans, by Johnny Horton)

In 2014 we take a little trip
Away from normal life at home together we will slip
Some have little babies and some have surly teens
Yeah we’re meeting daddy bloggers in the town of New Orleans.

[Chorus:]
We dads are few but our blogging keeps a’comin’
There weren’t quite so many, not so long ago
We tweet once more, on our phones we are a’ thumbin’
“To the #Dad2Summit I am gearin’ up to go!”

We’ll look ’round the room and we’ll see the bloggers come
And there must be a hundred of ’em chantin’ “Dad ain’t dumb!”
They’ll talk ’bout daddin’ and they talk ’bout brands
They’ll do a little schmoozing and they shake a lot of hands

[Chorus]

Oh Doug French hints that he has a big surprise
I hope that he means complimentary WiFi
We’ll meet with folks who have stuff they want to sell
But if they do by dissing dads then we’ll really gave ’em … well…

[Chorus]

Yeah, we’ll listen to the speakers and we’ll listen to the panels
We’ll ask a lot of questions and we’ll learn a lot, you know
We’ll tweet so fast that the hashtags will be trendin’
At the #Dad2Summit where I’m gearin’ up to go

We’ll get fresh shaven by the friendly folks from Dove
Then share about the kids at home we’re missin’ and we love
We’ll all file out for some rounds of karaoke
And sing together songs until our daddy throats are croaky

[Chorus]

Yeah, we’ll listen to the speakers and we’ll listen to the panels
We’ll ask a lot of questions and we’ll learn a lot, you know
We’ll tweet so fast that the hashtags will be trendin’
At the #Dad2Summit where I’m gearin’ up to go

NOLA, here I come!

This will be my second year at the Dad 2.0 Summit, and I am beyond stoked. Also, terrified, as I am actually speaking this year, on a panel discussion about marketing to and about modern dads. If you’re interested in following along, keep up with the goings-on by following me on Twitter and watching for the hashtag #Dad2Summit.

For more about the Dad 2.0 Summit, go here.

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You Screwed Up as a Parent: 10 Things You Should Regret

You Screwed Up as a Parent: 10 Things You Should Regret

We all make mistakes as parents. It’s just part of the deal. But what most new parents don’t realize is that the most far reaching, life-altering mistakes you make are not things like putting a diaper on wrong, poorly baby-proofing your house, or choosing a sippy cup that leaks. No, the biggest mistakes are always the most well-intentioned.

Here are a few regrets that you should have, that should keep you up at night with worry about how you broke your child.

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Missives from an Alternate Reality: The Chick-fil-A Uproar

Missives from an Alternate Reality: The Chick-fil-A Uproar

Editor’s Note:The following article was delivered to me on a flash-drive yesterday by a completely hairless man dressed all in silver. He claimed to be a “Traveler” from an alternate parody dimension, where my blog is mostly about raising organic turtles. His breath smelled like pickles (sweet, not dill). I have chosen to publish it here purely for historical purposes.

Chick-fil-A restaurants across the county experienced long lines yesterday, as thousands of supporters took part in “Chick-fil-A Appreciation Day,” organized by former presidential hopeful Mike Huckabee to counter the widespread boycott of the franchise currently under way.

The controversy over actually Chick-fil-A goes back several years, with the slow-food chain being accused of financially supporting several organizations who are active in trying to pressure Congress to pass “gluttony legislation,” and fight what they see as an encroaching national acceptance of food enjoyment as an acceptable “alternative lifestyle.”

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“Don’t Call me Mrs. Dad!” say Working Moms

“Don’t Call me Mrs. Dad!” say Working Moms

(DDN) — According recent U.S. Census Bureau information, the number of working moms has increased yet again. Mothers are working outside of the home in a staggering 70% of households with children under the age of 18 and are increasingly the primary breadwinner for the family.

The stereotype of the hapless, helpless woman — and the idea that women have no place or anything to contribute to the work force — is holding little water with real families.

But old stereotypes die hard, and many of these moms feel like society still has a hard time accepting them.

For most, this lack of acceptance can be best summed up in two words: Mrs. Dad.

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